Some things aren't fun

I'm a little bit of a Negative Nelly tonight. Or maybe just Honest Abe.

I went back to the gym for the first time tonight since I had the baby.

All the kids were asleep and it was only 8:30 so I took advantage and headed off to the gym.

Before I even left, I noticed the nice ring of fat hanging over my waistband. Cool.

Then I got to the gym.

I forgot how fit those people are.

It's fun being overweight in a sea of supermodels, let me tell you.

Then I started running.

Ahhh, running. My solace.

Yeah right.

The first mile was great.

But after only one measly mile, my abs were killing me.

It's not really any other part of my body.

My abs are just... not in place. They just plain hurt.

I feel like Humpty Dumpty. Except I better get put back together again eventually.

It is so hard not to push myself.

That's what I have trained myself to do. That's what all runners do.

Pep talk yourself: you can do this, just a little faster, just a little longer.

 So to tell myself: you better not go as far as you were planning on, you better slow down... it just feels so wrong! And it's extremely frustrating.

I can't wait to be normal again. I don't know how long it's going to take. I wonder if I will be able to pinpoint it- "okay, I'm normal again." Maybe by six months after baby? I hope so. 

But as humbling as it is, I'm glad I can do it. I ran 3.2 again. It took me 35 minutes. I'll take what I can get, but I am definitely looking forward to better days!

3.2

I got up to a 5k distance on Friday. 

It wasn't easy.

During marathon training, I learned how important your core muscles are for running.

And right now... I have no core.

At least it feels that way.

I feel like I have a hollow, empty space in the middle of my body. 

All of the energy is coming from my legs, and maybe a little from my pumping arms, and it is really hard.

It took me somewhere around 36 minutes. Yep. Slow. I had a big uphill at the end that nearly cut the run short, I was really struggling. But every accomplishment is something right now, I'm just glad to be running again, even though it feels like I'm in running rehab!